Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You were trust falling into bushes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
