So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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