she woke up with a sticky ear
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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