i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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