So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
