im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
