I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
