The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
