I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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