so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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