OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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