I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
