I think I am morally bankrupt
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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