in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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