You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
