I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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