my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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