He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
