Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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