You're so nebulous sometimes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
