Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
