My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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