Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
