my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
