HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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