I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
