I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
