On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
