its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The ass gains better be worth it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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