listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
then he tried to convert me to islam
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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