it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
