My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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