Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
