Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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