spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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