i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
