Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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