question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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