I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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