Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
