We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
