His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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