that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
