I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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