i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
