and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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