in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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