i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
