Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
