I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
