mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You made out with two different species that night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
